Bertie the Meat Seeking Missile

by Bill Beck

We dearly love our little albino ferret Bertie: he is very handsome, soft as butter and extremely intelligent. He loves his walks, never bites and gets on well with other ferrets. In many ways Bertie is the perfect ferret, although he does have one... erm... characteristic which can cause problems: he is totally obsessed with food. This morning, I was opening the fridge door to put the milk away when a sudden furry flash flew in and latched with unerring accuracy onto a bacon joint on the bottom shelf. I fished both out together and attempted to separate them - my efforts were greeted with a complete lack of success and much hissing from Mr B.

Time to call for reinforcements.

When Ann arrived, she calmly took a pair of scissors and, holding Bertie's whiskers out of the way, neatly trimmed the bacon joint around his mouth! Bertie dashed off to devour his prize while the remains of the bacon joint went back in the fridge.

That's the first time I've ever had to have a ferret surgically removed from my tea...

My Dear, shows are just SO exhausting...'

(First published in NFWS News - #90 May 2011)